Tuesday, June 19, 2007

creative writing class

in creative writing class, we had to write a bad poem. here is mine (i kinda like it)

i eat an apple like a horse
chomp chomp
i walk like a horse
clomp clomp
i am red and
i am white and
i am blue
yea america!
oats rule.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

found on best of craigslist

Hi, my name is Tim, or Joe, or Sam. Though we haven't had a formal introduction I'm sure you know me, or at least what I represent here. I'm fat guys. I'm nerdy guys. I'm short guys, bald guys, dorky guys, spazzes, weirdos. Hobos, and guys without great jobs, cars, or clothes. I just wanted to take a second to talk to you about something very important to me, something it doesn't seem that you realize:

If you are physically attractive and dress in such a way to grab the attention of attractive males, you will also grab the attention of us unattractive males.

I'm sorry you're attractive though I am not. Believe me, it is probably as hard for me as it is for you. It isn't like I didn't sometimes wish I was some hot dude with whom you would make out at some shitty party with bad music. But just so you know, you were showing a lot of cleavage on the escalator at Barnes and Noble today and even though I wasn't the guy you wanted to attract, I like boobs just like he does. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the creepy guys. I know how to look at some boobs without staring or showing up in your driveway, but if you catch me checking you out please don't look so pissed off. What if I knew some hot dude and was about to point him in your direction but changed my mind because now you seem like a bitch? Bet you didn't think of that while buying that short skirt did you?

Please don't think I'm asking you to become the chick in the bar who is a little ugly and past her prime who wants any and all guys to stare at her and have endless conversations about sexuality like that one time in college when she totally made out with some chick at a party and a whole bunch of frat guys got boners. I'm just saying, if you go fishing don't get mad if you catch a boot, or a tin can, or even maybe some seaweed.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

my craigslist personal

are you really hot? maybe so hot that you intimidate guys? let me help you.

we're walking down the street, my hand on your ass and some guy nudges his buddy and says--what the hell is she doing with him?
pretty sweet for me, but whats in it for you?
one of these days, that guy that nudges his buddy is going to be your prince charming. he'll wait for you outside the ladies room or have the bartender pass you a note (miss, a note from the gentleman at the end of the bar)the note will say--what are you doing with him? leave with me tonight on my private jet. you will realize your ship has come in and you will leave me.
not so sweet for me anymore. i probably will have grown fond of you...but don't worry about me. it was all part of the plan. we'll have had our fun and some great memories...but i'll be watching and waiting. you see, there is also a woman out there that's going to see us, and she's going to be thinking, wow, what bait did he use to hook her. so she'll ask and i'll tell her--i'm 4,000 years old and i have gained great wisdom, when the truth is that i just give a good CL posting. so...let's give it a try. pls send a pic--you have to be smokin' for this to work.