Tuesday, June 05, 2007

found on best of craigslist

Hi, my name is Tim, or Joe, or Sam. Though we haven't had a formal introduction I'm sure you know me, or at least what I represent here. I'm fat guys. I'm nerdy guys. I'm short guys, bald guys, dorky guys, spazzes, weirdos. Hobos, and guys without great jobs, cars, or clothes. I just wanted to take a second to talk to you about something very important to me, something it doesn't seem that you realize:

If you are physically attractive and dress in such a way to grab the attention of attractive males, you will also grab the attention of us unattractive males.

I'm sorry you're attractive though I am not. Believe me, it is probably as hard for me as it is for you. It isn't like I didn't sometimes wish I was some hot dude with whom you would make out at some shitty party with bad music. But just so you know, you were showing a lot of cleavage on the escalator at Barnes and Noble today and even though I wasn't the guy you wanted to attract, I like boobs just like he does. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the creepy guys. I know how to look at some boobs without staring or showing up in your driveway, but if you catch me checking you out please don't look so pissed off. What if I knew some hot dude and was about to point him in your direction but changed my mind because now you seem like a bitch? Bet you didn't think of that while buying that short skirt did you?

Please don't think I'm asking you to become the chick in the bar who is a little ugly and past her prime who wants any and all guys to stare at her and have endless conversations about sexuality like that one time in college when she totally made out with some chick at a party and a whole bunch of frat guys got boners. I'm just saying, if you go fishing don't get mad if you catch a boot, or a tin can, or even maybe some seaweed.


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