Wednesday, July 18, 2007

my hobos

“Okay, Mr. hawk, tell me what you remember from the night of the incident.”

O, they were all there that night. Bojangles was playing the harmonica. Boxcar bobby was working the spoons. Thelma had gotten a banjo from somewhere. Who knows where? Didn’t really know she played, but that night she could. Janis was dancing around the bonfire. Big Belinda was tapping her big ole feet; Roll-along Ricky had just gotten off a train from Houston and he was clapping his hands and smiling real big…

As the music went on, ebbing, flowing, rising, falling, I walked along the sidewalk, smiling and enjoying the show, on my way to the corner store to fetch something for dinner. Just as I reached the corner, Hank (who is generally a talker and always a troublemaker) jumped onto a stump and flung a glass jar of moonshine onto the bonfire. The glass jar hit a log and shattered, throwing the moonshine onto the flame, causing an eruption of flame to shoot towards the dark sky.

As I reached the corner, I looked up and the traffic light turned red meaning I could not cross

And Hank, on his stump, yelled out, “IT IS WITH HIM WE MUST SPEAK.”

I kept walking. I really didn’t want to deal with the voices in my head right now. I just wanted to get some dinner.

DON’T EVEN TRY TO IGNORE ME. I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME.

Why did I have to get hobos in my head? Why couldn’t I have a bunch of boy scouts or something calm like that? If I keep walking, maybe he’ll go back to dancing and singing…

O, YOU JUST WANT ME TO DANCE AND SING FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, HUH? I THINK IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO ENTERTAIN US FOR ONCE. I’M GONNA SIT IN HER AND BANG THIS ALUMINUM TRASH CAN WITH A BASEBALL BAT TIL YOU PAY ME SOME ATTENTION.

It was an awful noise. BANG BANG BANG I knew he wouldn’t stop. He’d done it before and I wind up with a throbbing headache. I knew I was going to have to give in. Finally, I said, “ok, what the hell do you want?”

YOU’RE GOING TO THE CORNER STORE. WHEN YOU GET THERE, HAVE SOME FUN. KNOCK OVER THE MAGAZINE RACK, BREAK A SIX PACK OF BEER AND GET IN THE FACE OF THE TOWEL HEAD BEHIND THE COUNTER…

C,mon. give me a break. You’re going to get me in jail again.

YOU WANT TO SLEEP TONIGHT? THIS BASEBALL BAT AND TRASH CAN ARE GOING TO HAVE A BUSY NIGHT UNLESS YOU SHOW ME SOME FUN. BESIDES, IF WE SPEND THE NIGHT IN JAIL, MAYBE I CAN TALK TO SOMEONE WHO ISN’T A PUSSY LIKE YOU…

MY HOBOS

“Okay, Mr. hawk, tell me what you remember from the night of the incident.”

O, they were all there that night. Bojangles was playing the harmonica. Boxcar bobby was working the spoons. Thelma had gotten a banjo from somewhere. Who knows where? Didn’t really know she played, but that night she could. Janis was dancing around the bonfire. Big Belinda was tapping her big ole feet; Roll-along Ricky had just gotten off a train from Houston and he was clapping his hands and smiling real big…

As the music went on, ebbing, flowing, rising, falling, I walked along the sidewalk, smiling and enjoying the show, on my way to the corner store to fetch something for dinner. Just as I reached the corner, Hank (who is generally a talker and always a troublemaker) jumped onto a stump and flung a glass jar of moonshine onto the bonfire. The glass jar hit a log and shattered, throwing the moonshine onto the flame, causing an eruption of flame to shoot towards the dark sky.

As I reached the corner, I looked up and the traffic light turned red meaning I could not cross

And Hank, on his stump, yelled out, “IT IS WITH HIM WE MUST SPEAK.”

I kept walking. I really didn’t want to deal with the voices in my head right now. I just wanted to get some dinner.

DON’T EVEN TRY TO IGNORE ME. I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME.

Why did I have to get hobos in my head? Why couldn’t I have a bunch of boy scouts or something calm like that? If I keep walking, maybe he’ll go back to dancing and singing…

O, YOU JUST WANT ME TO DANCE AND SING FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, HUH? I THINK IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO ENTERTAIN US FOR ONCE. I’M GONNA SIT IN HER AND BANG THIS ALUMINUM TRASH CAN WITH A BASEBALL BAT TIL YOU PAY ME SOME ATTENTION.

It was an awful noise. BANG BANG BANG I knew he wouldn’t stop. He’d done it before and I wind up with a throbbing headache. I knew I was going to have to give in. Finally, I said, “ok, what the hell do you want?”

YOU’RE GOING TO THE CORNER STORE. WHEN YOU GET THERE, HAVE SOME FUN. KNOCK OVER THE MAGAZINE RACK, BREAK A SIX PACK OF BEER AND GET IN THE FACE OF THE TOWEL HEAD BEHIND THE COUNTER…

C,mon. give me a break. You’re going to get me in jail again.

YOU WANT TO SLEEP TONIGHT? THIS BASEBALL BAT AND TRASH CAN ARE GOING TO HAVE A BUSY NIGHT UNLESS YOU SHOW ME SOME FUN. BESIDES, IF WE SPEND THE NIGHT IN JAIL, MAYBE I CAN TALK TO SOMEONE WHO ISN’T A PUSSY LIKE YOU…

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